Guidance Office

General Rules of Thumb

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• Maintain normal routines as much as possible

• Clarify that they are not responsible for the death in any way - not through their thoughts, feelings, or actions (this is especially important for younger children, who believe they make things happen just by thinking about them)

• If the person who passed was a parent, reassure them that they are not in charge of caring for the surviving parent

• Mention the name of the deceased, reminisce, and tell stories

• Tell them honestly what happened concerning the death: when it occurred, where it happened, and who was there

• Encourage them to ask questions and answer each one simply and directly

• Include them in the funeral and memorial planning, as appropriate and comfortable

• Accept all of their feelings and allow those feelings to be expressed in an appropriate manner

• Ask questions to learn about the child's feelings and understanding of the loss

• Inform the child's teachers and other appropriate adults (i.e., coaches) about the loss so they can support the child, make appropriate adjustments, and monitor the child's well-being

• Encourage and model healthy coping strategies, particularly ones that will involve interaction with other peers (i.e., clubs)

• Reassure them that healing from loss takes a long time, but that they will feel better

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(Flynn, n.d.; National Association of School Psychologists, 2017)

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Additional Resources

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Below are some more detailed resources about supporting children who are grieving.  Click on the resource's title (in bold and underline) to access the resource.

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10 Ways to Help a Grieving Child

By: National Alliance for Grieving Children

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What Not To Say (Don't Say This - Say This Instead)

By: Coalition to Support Grieving Students

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How Children Grieve and How Parents & Other Adults Can Support Them

By: New York Life Foundation

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Helping Children Deal With Grief

By: Child Mind Institute

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References

• Flynn, J. (n.d.) 15 tips for grieving kids. Grief.

• National Association of School Psychologists (2017). Addressing grief:  brief facts and tips.  Retrieved from http://www.nasponline.org/resources-and-publications/resources/school-safety-and-crisis/addressing-grief.